i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
