A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Never joke about your clitoris.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
