My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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