on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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