he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Randomize
