i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
