I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
