It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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