If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I forget how to act sober
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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