I just pynch a tree in the face
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
