The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
