I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
my poor anus
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
