Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
