in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
