scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
