i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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