I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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