I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
