Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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