well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
