Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
