Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize