he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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