I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
too bad you live with your parents still
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
