4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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