The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
