i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
