My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
