hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
