I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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