Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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