Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
there is glitter all over my balls
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