I can tuck mytits in my pants
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
