my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize