Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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