I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm really busy with my period
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