google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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