Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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