Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
