I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
