Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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