my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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