Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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