i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
