You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
