Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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