dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
