Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
