I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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