i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
