I can tuck mytits in my pants
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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