guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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