the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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