I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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