I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
