i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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