He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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