the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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