im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
