I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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