Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
