new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
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