spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
