the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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