Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
