Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I wish there were birth control emojis
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
