He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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