you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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