ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
