Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
